Certainly Uncertainty

I hate the way
You make
Drowning look like
Breathing easily

Freely suffocation yourself
Not even realizing
That your sinking
Deeper and deeper down
You're convincing me
Don't take the high road
Because the hill there will kill you
You guarantee me  
That I cant afford that
So don't even try
Then
Invite me to come fly
To feel what its like
To blur my sight
To the extent of clarity
Amidst the gauzy reality
We've been brainwashed to believe
Is sanity
This feels like
Insanity
And these feelings
I don't want to feel anymore
I just want to know
Tell me whats real
Because I've tasted air
And it freed me
It was free to me
And in that moment
I had totally clarity
And in that moment
It became everything for me

But for some reason
Its not sticking
Its not addicting
But you
Damn you had me
The second you walked in the room
And I cant stop
Thinking about you
And
Thanking about how
I need a cigarette
Because this air
Is going stale
And its not so clear
Anymore
And I'm not so clear
Anymore
And I want you here
All the more
To help me feel real
Once more
Because I can't feel
Whats real
Anymore
And these feelings
I don't want to feel
Anymore
I just want to know
Tell me whats real

Because I've had it
With this
Bullshit hypocrisy
Where I pretend like
I know what I'm talking about
Where I pretend like
I see through the
Gauzy reality
We've convinced ourselves
Is sanity
Because its easier than
Facing the insanity
We are faced with
Every day
Daily
Rolling every thought
Of imperfection in our lives
In thin white sheets of paper
Blowing
In
In
In
In
Holding
Feeling
Releasing
Freeing ourselves to fly
At least for a moment
Or maybe just to fall but
At least for a moment
We touched the stars
And

I hate the way
You make this look fulfilling

I hate the way
You make this look satisfying
And

I hate the way
That I keep coming back for more
Knowing its not helping
But I cant handle
All these thoughts
And I cant handle
All these feelings

Tell me whats real
Because I've tasted air
And it freed me
But its not free to me
And the more I think about it
The more I'm realizing
That the cost of breathing
Is my whole life
And I'm not sure
I'm willing to trade everything
Im not sure
I'm able to give everything
For a freedom
I'm not even sure
Is sticking around
Because it hasn't been addicting

Tell me whats real
Because I'm digging
Deeper and deeper down
Tell me whats real
Because I'm sinking
Deeper and deeper down
And I cant breath easily anymore
I'm freely suffocating myself
In a confinement of uncertainty
Where I'm certainly going to drown
If no one can tell me
Somebody
Tell me whats real
Because I cant keep guessing
And then confessing
For a blessing
Always testing and
Investing myself
In momentary highs
Because this isn't living
This is simply surviving
An unsatisfying life
Always searching
But never finding

Tell me whats real
Because I need to feel
Alive again

Tell me whats real
Because now its not enough
To just feel
I need to know
Tell me
Because I need to know
Whats real
                                                   The end.